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Congressional Math is Different than Regular Math

WASHINGTON, June 22 — The Senate on Thursday roundly rejected two Democratic proposals to begin pulling troops out of Iraq, as Republicans and Democrats staked out starkly different positions heading into Congressional elections this fall.

The more far-reaching measure, calling for all United States combat troops to be withdrawn within a year, failed 86 to 13, with no Republican supporters.

An alternative, backed by the Democratic leadership and calling for troop withdrawals to begin by the end of the year without setting a deadline for complete withdrawal, was also defeated, 60 to 39, with one Republican voting with the Democrats and six Democrats joining the Republican majority.

Here's where things get surreal - let the spin-doctoring and voodoo-math begin:

With a Republican-controlled Senate, Democrats had expected the loss, but even in defeat, they declared themselves on the same side as the majority of Americans.

"The Republicans stand alone that there should be no plan and no end in Iraq," said Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, the Democratic leader. "They want an open-ended commitment, and the American people and the Senate Democrats cannot agree to an open-ended commitment."

So winning both votes by healthy margins, and the first with nearly all the Democrats joining you, is "standing alone"? So it seems ol' "Haloperidol Harry" is using the following nontraditional (but perfectly valid, since we're using politico-math rather than regular math here) definitions:

• "Stand Alone": Win a vote in lopsided, bipartisan fashion

• "Senate Democrats": Me and the other guy

• "The American people": Me, the other guy, plus our wives and secretaries.

• "Cannot Agree": Holy cow, we really got our butts kicked, didn't we?

I'm guessing Harry is a graduate of the prestigious International College of Bald-Faced Propaganda, run by that legendary Jedi master of Counterfactual Spin, the former Iraqi Information Minister, Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf.

It must be so great to just declare normal rules of mathematics and logic to be invalid whenever it suits one's purposes - I just wish this kind of thing worked with the IRS.